12:39:03 AM pk: i started mixing in some “social” time this past week
12:39:18 AM pk: which, in addition to my workload, has ended up keeping up every night til like 5:30am
12:39:22 AM pk: some nights as late as 7am

12:39:45 AM ak: what is “social” time

12:39:55 AM pk: well, just like meeting up with a friend for dinner
12:39:56 AM pk: or drinks

12:40:06 AM ak: you mean you actually go out with someone, and WORK when you come back home?

12:40:09 AM pk: anything that gets me out of my apt
12:40:14 AM pk: to go socialize
12:40:19 AM pk: yeah
12:40:23 AM pk: exactly

12:40:32 AM ak: no that;s great.. i mean i find it really hard to work after i’ve been out with friends
12:40:37 AM ak: it’s like a massive anti climax
12:40:41 AM ak: or something

12:40:41 AM pk: hehh

12:40:47 AM ak: how do you do it

12:40:54 AM pk: well sometimes i enjoy the work
12:40:57 AM pk: more than the social
12:41:04 AM pk: then it’s pretty easy
12:41:10 AM pk: cuz like, creating stuff satisfies me
12:41:13 AM pk: it stimulates me
12:41:22 AM pk: sometimes i get bored with ppl… like in social situations
12:41:27 AM pk: i like to DO stuff
12:41:37 AM pk: but a lot of the time, social stuff is just like eating..
12:41:41 AM pk: or standing around drinking
12:41:42 AM pk: talking

12:41:47 AM ak: yeah but at least you’re not in the house

12:41:48 AM pk: but not actually DOING anyhting
12:41:52 AM pk: well yeah

12:49:21 AM pk: i just dont know about goin out any more
12:49:23 AM pk: on the scene
12:49:29 AM pk: did u see saturday’s iv entry?
12:49:33 AM pk: i had such a lame time

12:49:33 AM ak: yeah
12:49:58 AM ak: yeah before that barcamp thing.. i was all like i am going to meet cool and interesting people yay
12:50:10 AM ak: and after the evening, i was like.. ehhh.. i should stay off the whole meeting people thing

12:50:34 AM pk: yeah
12:50:36 AM pk: exactly
12:50:38 AM pk: me too
12:50:42 AM pk: it’s frustrating

12:50:46 AM ak: yeah totally

12:50:47 AM pk: cuz i *do* wanna meet new ppl
12:50:50 AM pk: but it just sucks

12:50:53 AM ak: yeah

12:50:57 AM pk: the whole environment and mechanism for doing so
12:51:06 AM pk: my fav thing i think is house parties…
12:51:09 AM pk: like just chill….

12:51:10 AM ak: just feels like there are too many strings somehow

12:51:14 AM pk: and meeting friends of friends that way

12:51:17 AM ak: yeah house parties are great

12:51:23 AM pk: but it sucks, cuz nobody ever throws house parties around here!!!

12:51:30 AM ak: really?

12:51:33 AM pk: YEAH
12:51:40 AM pk: i threw one in november
12:51:44 AM pk: great turnout
12:51:47 AM pk: but like, c’mon ppl
12:51:51 AM pk: throw some parties of your own!

12:51:55 AM ak: heh
12:52:00 AM ak: so it’s all clubs all the time?

12:52:08 AM pk: well i dunno
12:52:14 AM pk: what exactly everybody’s doing
12:52:17 AM pk: thats how it is here
12:52:21 AM pk: everybody’s got their own lives
12:52:24 AM pk: their own things goin on
12:52:29 AM pk: including myself
12:52:37 AM pk: nyc’s just a busy place

12:52:41 AM ak: yeah.. i hate that.. it was much easier when everyone was in college

12:52:42 AM pk: not much “connectedness”
12:52:51 AM pk: i had a drink and dinner with my best friend eariler this week
12:52:56 AM pk: i had only seen him once earlier in 2008

12:52:59 AM ak: now everyone is all doing their own thing.. even a 10 minute phone conversation is a huge deal
12:53:06 AM ak: oh damn

12:53:11 AM pk: yeah
12:53:16 AM pk: well i guess its not just nyc then

12:53:22 AM ak: it’s harder to make friends and just hang out now.. and somehow i don’t think it’s going to get any easier, which sucks

12:53:22 AM pk: but i dunno
12:53:27 AM pk: i guess i just learn to embrace it

12:53:29 AM ak: i think most cosmopolitan cities are like that

12:53:30 AM pk: u kinda have to
12:53:36 AM pk: otherwise u’ll get angry
12:53:37 AM pk: and bitter
12:53:41 AM pk: that nobody keeps in touch

12:53:43 AM ak: yeah

12:53:44 AM pk: that nobody cares for u

12:53:47 AM ak: i was in that phase some time ago

12:53:53 AM pk: so i just learned…to be like, eh
12:53:54 AM pk: whatever
12:53:59 AM pk: everybody has their own thing
12:54:06 AM pk: so i just gotta make sure i’m happy with my own thing

12:54:08 AM ak: i read an article in the paper the other day.. suicide cases are increasing dramatically in bombay.. the most common reason is loneliness

12:54:18 AM pk: ahh

12:54:25 AM ak: it is one of the most populated cities in the world… and people are killing themselves from loneliness

12:54:37 AM pk: word

12:54:40 AM ak: i was talking to this girl from nyc.. she said it was the same over there

12:54:49 AM pk: well i havent heard about a lot of suicides
12:54:50 AM pk: here
12:54:52 AM pk: but
12:54:56 AM pk: yeah it can be a lonely place

12:55:06 AM ak: yup

12:55:10 AM pk: ppl are just too busy with their own thing
12:55:22 AM pk: this is one thing that’s actually turned me off to the church here
12:55:33 AM pk: cuz “christians” will proclaim all this stuff
12:55:36 AM pk: about *real* community
12:55:38 AM pk: etc….
12:55:40 AM pk: but…
12:55:44 AM pk: when it comes right down to it…
12:55:48 AM pk: it’s all an illusion

12:55:55 AM ak: yeah

12:56:01 AM pk: i mean
12:56:03 AM pk: dont get me wrong
12:56:09 AM pk: i’m grateful for all the friendships i do have
12:56:14 AM pk: i just wouldnt bank my life on em

12:56:18 AM ak: yeah exactly
12:56:26 AM ak: in the end, you’re on your own

12:56:30 AM pk: exactly
12:56:51 AM pk: which also, with my looking at it that way, is helping me a bit, get over some old patterns of thinking
12:57:00 AM pk: like, i always care too much what other ppl think about me
12:57:07 AM pk: but i’m slowly learning to let go of that
12:57:11 AM pk: cuz in the end…
12:57:17 AM pk: if these ppl arent really gonna be there for me anyway
12:57:27 AM pk: well then what the fuck do i care how they label/judge/consider me then?

12:57:29 AM ak: man we’re so alike, its weird

12:57:36 AM pk: hehh

12:57:48 AM ak: in terms of the same experiences man

12:58:01 AM pk: yeah it does kinda seem that way
12:58:09 AM pk: just that i’m 10 years down the road

12:58:12 AM ak: yeah i’m learning to shed that stuff too.. other people’s ideas about you
12:58:14 AM ak: yeah

12:58:33 AM pk: but yeah, at least maybe u can learn from some of *my* mistakes
12:58:41 AM pk: i wish i realized a lot of these things EARLIER

1:00:02 AM ak: you always wish you realise things earlier

1:00:09 AM pk: yep
1:00:16 AM pk: hindsight is 20/20, as they say
1:00:43 AM pk: lately though, i am starting to shed a lot of apprehensiveness…
1:00:55 AM pk: as i’m getting older, i’m feeling like, man..
1:00:57 AM pk: life is short

1:01:06 AM ak: hmm

1:01:07 AM pk: already lived thru 3 decades
1:01:11 AM pk: a couple more and i’m dead
1:01:13 AM pk: thats it
1:01:23 AM pk: u might as well just live your life
1:01:27 AM pk: unabashedly

1:01:43 AM ak: yeah

1:01:50 AM pk: i love this one line that Mystery (the pick up artist) said on that vh1 show..
1:01:57 AM pk: “if you’re gonna wreck a room, WRECK IT”

1:02:04 AM ak: hah yeah

1:02:18 AM pk: so all these new things, i am trying to embrace
1:02:21 AM pk: it’s hard tho
1:02:24 AM pk: i’m realizing
1:02:31 AM pk: hard to break old patterns
1:02:35 AM pk: that have become engrained

1:02:36 AM ak: i’ve been guilty in the past of over thinking.. like i keep thinking about doing stuff and never end up doing it and years pass by

1:02:37 AM pk: in who u are

1:02:46 AM ak: now, it’s like.. just do it, think later

1:02:50 AM pk: yeah
1:02:53 AM pk: i mean, within reason
1:02:55 AM pk: but yeah